The divorce rate in the US is around 50% and has been for decades. Over two thirds of divorces are actually initiated by women. If you’re a Christian wife wanting a divorce, consider these 3 tips to transition your marriage from dividing to thriving.
To the Christian Wife Wanting a Divorce | 3 Tips to Avoid
Tip 1: Allow God to Make You Holy Through Your Marriage
If you’re a Christian wife who is considering divorce, then it’s safe to assume things aren’t going as planned or at least not as you thought they would be. However, don’t be discouraged, as God grows us individually, as well as, within our relationships through various ways.
For example, you’ve probably experienced trials or hardships in your life that, in the end, made you stronger, smarter and more evolved afterwards. Life doesn’t always look the way we want it to, but that doesn’t mean that there’s not purpose or growth that can be realized in every moment. Look at your marriage this same way.
The Purpose of Marriage
Christian pastor, Rick Warren, says, “marriage isn’t to make you happy, it’s to make you holy.” This is a part of his 5 Biblical Purposes of Marriage. As a Christian wife, this is what we should be aiming for – letting Christ shape us into more of Him and less of us. Sometimes He uses our marriages to do so.
So, instead of getting frustrated in your current state, pray for peace and for God to draw near to you and your husband. Ask God to help you use your marriage to strengthen your faith. As you move closer to God, then he will move you closer as a couple.
I highly recommend that you (and your husband, if he’s willing) listen to the full sit down with Pastor Rick and his wife. Rick goes over the 5 biblical purposes of marriage.
Tip 2: Don’t Hold Your Husband to Standards You Cannot Yourself Meet
In today’s world where everything is on demand and customized, we seem to forget that people don’t come that way!! We want perfection or at least as close to as possible. This is a huge misperception when it comes to marriage and one of the biggest disappointments that can lead to divorce.
As a Christian wife wanting a divorce, you might have certain perceptions of what your husband is supposed to be. If your perception aligns with the Word, then you’re right. However, we all fall short.
Letting Go of Perceptions
Take a second and picture your best self. What does “she” look like? Think the Proverbs 31 woman: at peace, wise, organized, generous, home kept in order, etc. We all know that this list could go on. Now, compare that to who you are today…are there differences? Of course there are!! Because none of us have arrived at our “best selves”. As Christians, we strive every day to become more Christ-like and fail daily.
The point is this, you’ve just created a version of YOUR “perfect self” AND YOU CAN’T EVEN BE THAT!!! So, how in the world can you expect someone else to fit your “perfect version” of them??? So, before you’re tempted to criticize, try praying for your husband. Ask God to work on his heart and to show you areas where you can be a better wife.
Tip 3: Know that Your Marriage IS Worth Fighting For
Lastly, as a Christian wife wanting a divorce, we have to address the elephant in the room and that is why we should avoid divorce and stop the cycle of women pursuing divorce.
We have to understand that even though this society normalizes divorce, it causes havoc in families, children and society. The statistics of children who grow up in fatherless homes are heartbreaking. Yes, a child will survive. But will that child thrive? The data says no and we can’t ignore that.
Data Behind the Decision
Fathers.com is an organization that educates families and society on the importance of the intact family. Here is an excerpt from an article called The Extent of Fatherlessness:
“More than 20 million children live in a home without the physical presence of a father… If it were classified as a disease, fatherlessness would be an epidemic worthy of attention as a national emergency.”
What comes with divorce? Statistically speaking, there is notably more:
- lack of education
- Teen pregnancy (thus lending to a higher abortion rate, further hurting the vulnerable in the womb)
- Mental and behavioral disorders
- Homelessness and runaway
- Increased crime
- More likely to experience physical abuse, neglect and sexual abuse
- Substance and alcohol abuse
Read the full article on The Consequences of Fatherlessness here.
God is on your side. He wants your marriage to succeed, but He also has a lot of work to do between two very broken souls. Spend some serious time in prayer, daily if you can, and pray that God puts hope back into the heart and mind of you and your husband. Ask him to place of hedge of protection around your marriage and stop Satan’s attacks against you.
Additional Resources for the Christian Wife Who Wants a Divorce
The 3 Marriage Game Changers
If you’re a Christian wife wanting a divorce, I would encourage you to read the 3 Marriage Game Changers. Even if you’re smooth sailing right now, this is a great read and has some powerful resources that are handy to keep close by. Marriage is hard, but there are so many great resources for you and your partner. Divorce isn’t the only option, so stay encouraged!!!
He-Motions by TD Jakes
As a Christina wife, we should be considering our husbands throughout this process. TD Jakes has made it a known mission of his to address the men of this nation, but we have to do our part as well and be educated on what our men are going through.
Some quick points from the book He-Motions:
- Few men have examples of what it looks like to be a husband, a father and a leader.
- Men process life’s stressors completely different than women. For example, women like to “talk it out”, whereas men go introverted.
- There is spiritual warfare, regarding our men. Satan knows he can bind women when he steals, kills and destroys the men in our lives.
Watch a summary of the book here. Fast forward through the first 15 minutes or so. It’s a little slow to get started, but he’s such a talented speaker that you don’t even realize!
Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
Emerson outlines the God-given differences between men and women in a simple to understand way. Learn how God designed us to be different beyond our physical makeup. Once you understand this, it’s much easier to see your husband’s heart in situations that you might otherwise think were intentional to hurt your feelings.
For example, the way we process stress. Women tend to want to “talk it out”, whereas men are much more likely to go introverted. So, ladies, if you feel like your husband isn’t “hearing” you because he seems disconnected, know that he’s likely processing, just in his own way.
How to Pray for Your Marriage
As a reminder, give your marriage back to God. Let him do the work. Let him do the healing because he cares deeply for you and your spouse and your family. For more information on the easiest and most important thing you should be doing for your marriage, check out this post that reviews John 2 and the great example that Mary shows us on how to take our concerns to Christ.